I am absolutely shook.

I’ll be honest: Big Brother kind of lost my interest over the last few years. I don’t hate it. It’s just that it too often chooses silly mindlessness over intriguing gameplay.

However, it still has a piece of my heart as the first reality show I ever loved (beginning at 10 years old). The game still interests me from a social psychology perspective, and I still know all the players from seasons 1-18.

So this all-stars cast? Yeah, I’m gasping.

Okay, so let’s quickly run through the premiere episode, and then I want to talk about each of the players one by one.

Alright, there’s no two ways about this: that premiere was clunky as hell. It was a laborious exercise that did not justify two hours of run time.

But the new stage is fabulous and high-tech, the house is gorgeous and fun, and the cast is almost guaranteed to make this the best season of Big Brother in years.

All in all, I’m very excited to watch this play out. An all-stars season is WAY overdue, and I’m not sure why it took a pandemic to bring the concept back to the table. But, that’s neither here nor there because our houseguests have been rigorously tested for COVID-19 and separated from Julie Chen by 12 feet (double the minimum recommended distance). All systems are a go.

Alright, let’s talk about the cast of Big Brother 22.

Nicole Anthony (Season 21)

I’m going to keep it 100 with you. I don’t know who she is, but she must’ve done something right to achieve 3rd place. I’m excited to see how she plays this time around.

David Alexander (Season 21)

Again, I never watched season 21, so I know nothing about David. However, I think it’s impressive he got called back after being the first evictee of the season. That could be very helpful in a cast full of dangerous players who got to 3rd, 2nd, or 1st place before.

Bayleigh Dayton (Season 20)

Don’t hate me, but I don’t know her either. We’ll see how she does – maybe the winners will take each other out while these lower-key players skate by. Stay tuned!

Tyler Crispen (Season 20)

I’ve heard Tyler labeled one of the best players to never win. I’ve heard that the jury didn’t give him a fair shake. If all that’s true, then it will be very interesting to see how he does in the ring with some of the series’ greatest personalities.

Christmas Abbott (Season 19)

Christmas got herself to 3rd place once, and I bet she could do it again. This will be her chance for redemption.

Cody Calafiore (Season 16)

Oh, Cody. I really enjoyed him on season 16 (if you know what I mean). I remember him being personable and charming, but his contributions to the Hitmen alliance were mostly overlooked since his ally was the all-time great Derrick Levasseur. I’m curious to see how his week-one HOH win will play out long-term.

Da’Vonne Rogers (Seasons 17 & 18)

One of the most memed houseguests in history, Da’Vonne is an absolute hoot. Entertainment value is guaranteed while she’s in the house. The big question: can she get into the endgame this time? I sure hope so. What a queen.

Nicole Franzel (Seasons 16 & 18)

I really like Nicole. She already won once, but even acknowledging that, it’s hard to see anyone coming after her. She’s just so cute and respectful that it’s difficult to imagine her going out early. Expect the unexpected, I suppose, but I’m excited to see her slay the game once more.

Ian Terry (Season 14)

From my perspective, Ian has a lot to prove. He is a respectable winner, but some fans (including myself) believe that his opponent in the finale deserved the season 14 win more. Ian’s strength, again, will be that he comes off nerdy and unassuming at first. Despite my doubts, he was able to win a jury vote once before. Now, the question is if he can get to the finale again without the Quack Pack at his back.

Enzo Palumbo (Season 12)

I can’t deny Enzo’s role in creating perhaps the most successful alliance in Big Brother history. But do I like him? Do I want him to win? Meh. Ask me again in a few weeks.

Kevin Campbell (Season 11)

A voice of reason during the madness of season 11, I remember Kevin getting this close to the final two, but losing out to Natalie and Jordan. I can’t wait to see how he does, and I love his use of the word “gagged” in response to Julie Chen’s “How do you feel to be back?” question. Truly the splash of gay we needed on the cast.

Keesha Smith (Season 10)

The pair of season 10 returnees shocked me more than anyone else in this premiere. Seeing Keesha back on Big Brother is like getting the best Christmas (not Abbott) gift ever, when it wasn’t even on your wish list. I can’t wait to see how she plays this time, 12 years after season 10.

Memphis Garrett (Season 10)

Again, I was so pleasantly surprised to see Memphis back. After all this time, and without my all-time favorite player at his side, does he have what it takes to make it to the finale once more? TBH? IDK!

Daniele Donato Briones (Seasons 8 & 13)

My jaw opened when I heard she was on this season. OMG, YES! I am so excited to see Daniele back, I could scream. Actually, I already am screaming. Can you hear me?

Kaysar Ridha (Seasons 6 & 7)

Yeah, everyone before season 12 really surprised me, and Kaysar is no exception. It’s been so long I don’t even remember much about his game, but I remember liking him and being disappointed after he took his finger off the button in season 6, so I guess that counts for something.

Janelle Pierzina (Seasons 6, 7, & 14)

Sorry, I can’t write about Janelle. I’m busy screaming my vocal chords out because my gay little heart is being attacked!

Janelle will be the first Big Brother houseguest to play four times, and for some reason that feels…correct. I mean, my god, what an icon.

“Give me the key, bitch!”

Thanks for joining me as I reacted to the Big Brother 22 premiere. Stay tuned for more discussions on this all-star season as it airs.

Xoxo! T.