Zombies and killers and beasts, oh my! The album MAYHEM by Lady Gaga has arrived with 14 brand-new tracks and there is a lot to talk about.
We’ve escaped Chromatica and survived a terrifying foray into the asylum of jokers and harlequins. Now, we’re back to Gaga’s manor and I’m feeling monstrous as hell.
MAYHEM is the best pop album of the year so far…kinda without question. And with that, we have some important work to do. For if we do not rank these 14 songs with accuracy and care, who else is up to the task? Pitchfork?
As always, we are tackling this one track at a time, from worst to best.
Now, come inside and pull up a chair. The clock is about to strike midnight and you don’t want to be caught outside when the full moon rises.
14. “Don’t Call Tonight”
I’m pleased to announce that there aren’t any bad songs on MAYHEM.
However, not everyone can be a pop hit or a nightclub anthem. And that’s okay!
I looked for evidence to support my claim that this is the worst song on the album. But I think at the end of the day, “Don’t Call Tonight” fits in with the other girlies on the record just fine. Unfortunately, she’s just a bit generic in comparison.
This feels like a filler track, I’m afraid. I will not be seeking her out anytime soon, unless I’m letting the album play in order from start to finish.
13. “LoveDrug”
I’ve ranked LoveDrug here at 13th place because it, too, feels rather generic compared to the masterpieces found elsewhere on the record.
“I just need a dose of the right stuff” feels very last-generation (perhaps last-last-generation) in terms of pop lyrics. Yes, the album makes a mission of reviving pop styles of the past. But sometimes, it’s okay to both reference and not reference. Know what I mean?
Is she fun? Yes. Is she a standout? Absolutely not.
12. “How Bad Do U Want Me”
I giggle as I type this: The allegations that Gaga “reheated Taylor Swift’s nachos” are inescapable. Thus, I’ve failed my civic duty as an impartial media reviewer and succumbed to the influence.
This song absolutely reheats 1989‘s nachos, whether it means to or not.
I don’t necessarily think there’s a problem with how this song gives “How Bad Do U Want Me (Gaga’s Version) (From The Vault).” I’m putting all similarities aside to say that this song is simply fine. I would even say I like it! It’s fun. I can’t wait to listen to it in the car this summer.
11. “Vanish Into You”
This song has such an unfortunate placement on the track list. Following a meteoric first act and preceding two back-to-back album highpoints, “Vanish Into You” is dealt a vile hand.
That said, I still love this song.
You know, it’s not a bad thing to have an upper-mid-tempo power ballad on the track list. “Vanish Into You” might not rise to the upper ranks of Gaga’s best work, or even the upper echelon of offerings on MAYHEM, but I’m still vibing.
10. “Blade Of Grass”
After “Die With A Smile” (an ostensibly one-off single) became the most successful song on Spotify this year, it rang a little dubious for Gaga to claim that it was always a part of MAYHEM.
After hearing “Blade of Grass,” though, I believe her.
The thematic through-line is clear from this song (the penultimate track on MAYHEM) to “Die With A Smile” (the closer): the world is chaotic and violent, the future is uncertain and terrifying, but Gaga’s got her man and that’s all that matters.
The backstory makes this one extra presh. When her fiancé Michael Polansky asked how to propose, she told him he could propose with a blade of grass and she’d say yes.
She sounds incredible as always. It’s cute. It’s unexpected. I’m happy it’s here.
9. “Die With A Smile”
I’m this close to calling this the best duet of Gaga’s career. Bruno Mars complements her voice so magnificently that it’s really no surprise this song topped the Spotify charts for a record 200 days and reached a billion streams faster than any other song in platform history.
I do have to wonder, though, if these two would have snatched that record even if this song were bad. I mean, Gaga is a streaming force in her own right. And since I spend so much time in the pop lane, I frequently forget that Bruno Mars is massively popular as well.
It was a musical match made in heaven.
Whether it’s your fave on the album or you’re overexposed at this point–you’re right. For me, it lands somewhere in the middle of an incredible body of work. I still enjoy it, and clearly the rest of the world does, too. The melodies and harmonies feel unique and fresh, retro yet modern, layered but simple.
A waltz for the ages.
8. “The Beast”
The absolute numbers this would have done at the height of the Twilight craze? #TeamJacob would have eclipsed #TeamEdward for sure.
“The Beast” is one of the most surprising songs on MAYHEM. The werewolf boyfriend obsession vibe is wild, kinda hot, totally unexpected, and somehow still grounded through Gaga’s powerful, dynamic vocals. She’s purring softly through the verses, then growling through the choruses. It’s kinda crazy.
“The Beast” is unlike anything in Gaga’s catalogue and I love it. It’s going on my Halloween playlist expeditiously! I’m howling at the moon as we speak.
7. “Shadow of a Man”
“Hee-hee!”
Gaga should’ve added one of those in for good measure. “Shadow of a Man” is ripped right from the Thriller vault. And that’s a compliment.
Gaga pays homage to multiple eras through pop music’s history, and those homages would’ve been incomplete without a reference to the King of Pop himself.
So go ahead. Take a listen. Then tell me if you think “Shadow of a Man” should go before or after “Billie Jean.”
No shade to Mother Monster, though. This song rocks, no matter who it reminds me of.
6. “Perfect Celebrity”
Unfortunately, this track gets stuck in the same spot as “Vanish Into You:” right after the biggest bangers on the album and right before before the mid-album bops.
But despite the track placement, “Perfect Celebrity” launches into the stratosphere and cruises at 40,000 feet from start to finish.
I wonder what moment or experience inspired this song. “You love to hate me,” she sings in the chorus. “I’m the perfect celebrity.” It reads as an irreverent or scorned moment, but I want more information.
Please chime in if you know what she’s talking about, because it feels like this song would’ve been more timely in the Born This Way or Artpop eras.
Maybe she just needed to release the trauma of all the nasty rumors people started back in the meat dress days.
Regardless, this is a banger. Well done, mama.
5. “Zombieboy”
My top five tracks on MAYHEM show Gaga really in her bag, with relentless power on full display.
“Zombieboy” draws from groovy moments of pop music’s past without feeling tired or copy-and-pasted. It digs just deep enough to exhume some interesting artifacts of the genre, then adds modern stylings to give them new life. The result is a funky, fresh, fiendish little moment.
When I heard this song in a club for the first time, the crowd screamed and rushed to the dance floor. The people yearn for ghastly fun, and Gaga is happy to deliver.
“Zombieboy” is another Halloween playlist addition (duh).
4. “Killah”
Speaking of doing something fresh over retro aesthetics, here comes “Killah,” the last type of song I would have expected from MAYHEM based on its dark pop singles.
“Killah” isn’t my absolute favorite song on the record, but it rises this high in the ranking because it’s so bonkers that (one) it even exists and (two) it pulls off insanity so successfully. I am endlessly fascinated and entranced by this stylish drug trip of a pop song. I see every color of the rainbow when I listen. I see blacklights and neon patterns all over the carpets and walls. It’s a real journey every time.
From the very first moment on the track, when Gaga’s voice reverberates “Killah…,” it’s clear you’re in for something special. I can’t think of anyone else in pop who would attempt this type of song. And that’s what makes it Gaga.
What an original.
3. “Disease”
This is where things get really, really difficult. I have rearranged these top three songs across many drafts of this ranking. Until now, “Disease” has always been number-one.
Due to the absolute serve delivered by her sisters, I simply must put “Disease” here at third place.
Despite that, “Disease” is truly perfection. I am so obsessed with the production. When I played this song for the first time and heard Gaga grunting and screaming on the 4s and 8s, punctuating each line with manic vocalizations, it became clear that we were in for an all-timer.
And that music video??? I think all us Little Monsters collectively said “Oh, we are so back.”
I truly have no notes. What a masterclass in dark pop.
“Disease” is the mother of the Halloween playlist–a song that fits the vibe flawlessly but stuns during the rest of the year, too.
2. “Garden of Eden”
I am speechless.
“Garden of Eden” is everything I could ever ask a pop song to be. It’s fun. It’s catchy. It compels me to dance for my life. It’s perfect.
That grinding guitar riff hooks me like no other. I can’t believe she included that here. It lays a grumbling ground layer for her to soar over. I’ve never heard anything like it in her career so far.
And the bridge? Simple, but effective.
I love when a song gives me no choice but to move my body, and I feel so lucky we get not one but two such gems on this record.
I want this song to be the last thing I hear before I die. I’m tempted to call it my favorite Lady Gaga song ever, but there’s a forbidden fruit I just have to try first.
1. “Abracadabra”
Let me just take the words right out of Stefani’s mouth: “talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before.“
It simply felt incorrect to put this song anywhere else.
We are nearly halfway through 2025 as I write this, and no other song released this year shines a candle to the cultural moment that “Abracadabra” created.
I will never forget watching the Grammys when this music video debuted without introduction or announcement. Imagine my shock. Imagine my awe!
Like an unbreakable hex, “Abracadabra” has hypnotized me. And I’ve never broken free of the spell.
That chorus is marvelous on its own. Then you’re gonna throw in a berserk, mesmerizing, positively occult chanting of the word “abracadabra” after that? And then you’re gonna become the phantom of the opera in the bridge and then you’re gonna tell me the floor’s on fire?
My nerves!!!
And the instrumentation choices here? I’m in love. I’m hearing a pulse-pounding beat, of course. But I’m also hearing piano chords played vigorously enough to raise the dead. I’m hearing twanging guitar notes ringing out over a desolate wasteland, begging weary travelers to follow the siren call to salvation.
It’s absolute chaos. It is mayhem personified.
Thank you so much for joining me here on Tyler’s Tea Time to discuss Lady Gaga’s incredible new album, MAYHEM. I hope to see you back here again soon!
– T
Tyler's Tea Time 